Tag Archives: gender difference

Only When I Laugh

A few weeks ago I was reading The Times Newspaper’s ‘Spinal Column’, a regular feature written by the columnist Melanie Reid who became quadriplegic a few years ago following a horse riding accident. Her column has provided a much needed window into the disability experience. It is raw at times; written in the moment. Melanie shares with we readers the ups, downs, farcity and at times utter hilarity of life with disability.

I was surprised and saddened when she related that some readers thought she was making light of the problems people with disabilities face. Personally I have always been a great believer in the power of laughter. The ability to laugh at myself has been a saving grace in the last ten years, it has helped me to deal with unimaginable loss. It has saved me from becoming a moaner, I can discuss my problems and not feel weighed down by them. People think I am eccentric when, for example, I say that I have become convinced that my garden shed has a contract out on my life as bits of its construction seem to keep wedging themselves under my wheels at the most inconvenient times.

For me, humour is a way of deflecting my mind from my personal vulnerability, the precarious nature of the limited independence I have. The last few months have given me precious little to laugh about apart from 2 things: our family have now developed a communal sock fund; men see wardrobes very differently to women.

First the communal sock fund, because I have very swollen feet I have to wear men’s size 8 to 10 socks. This is, coincidentally, the same size worn by my dad. He has now taken over laundry duty with the result that recently we discovered we were in fact wearing each other’s socks, as they had somehow got swapped in the process of him doing the laundry at his house and returning it to me.

Secondly, men and wardrobes. My dad has developed a hatred for plastic coat hangers, as he says there are too many of them in my wardrobe and they take up too much space. He also struggles to tell the difference between nighties and dresses, pyjamas and leggings. This makes it really interesting when I come to get dressed each morning and reach into my wardrobe. He did help me the other day when I tried 3 times to fasten a shirt up, got frustrated as I was always left with a button at the bottom and he explained that it was the spare button.

If we both stopped to think about why these things were actually happening we would probably end up in the deepest of depression. However, the ability to laugh in the face of adversity has, to this point, saved us from that.

This week I came across a quote by Robert Kennedy that summed up how I feel about dealing with sadness and adversity, “Tragedy is a tool for the living to gain wisdom, not a guide by which to live.”

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