Tag Archives: Disabled

Economic Predictions of a False Economy!

A few years ago my mum and I were sitting in a hospital waiting room, a situation not uncommon for either of us. Chatting as you do to relieve the monotony we began to wonder just how much of our lives we had spent in this situation. My mum, ever the whizz with number crunching, began this complex calculation. The end result equated to about 12 months as an inpatient at various hospitals and 5 years if you counted outpatient appointments and all other disability related meetings.

The amount of time spend waiting of things got so ridiculous at one point that I considered sending a petition to God for a refund on the bits of my life I had spent in health and social care transit. That is the thing when you have a disability in tow, everything takes twice as long. I have a friend who used to say that having a disability was akin to the scenario of having your first child, it changes life as you know it (something my brother will undoubtedly agree with having had his first child earlier this month).

Change is in the air for all of us. I decided it was time to sort out my own needs that previously had been so deftly met by my late mother. To this end I got myself a social worker; well technically my district nurse did, apparently these services are integrated. I waited a week or so and heard from one of the adult social care workers who made an appointment to see me at my house. We had a discussion about my needs, lifestyle and sources of appropriate support.

The social care landscape has changed significantly over the course of the last 5 years, now many social services departments across the country only provide for individuals who meet the critical and severe category. This leaves a substantial number of people in a black hole; there are those of us that don’t require intense levels of care but we do need ongoing support and care to prevent deterioration to the point where we do require more significant intervention. For example, I require the application of regular emollients and assistance to wash my feet and legs, this prevents skin breakdown, risk of infection and ulceration. However, because I want to continue to try and maintain my independence and only have outside assistance with this particular task, there is seemingly no criteria I meet that would initiate statutory provision.

I have been told to source the support privately, which I am happy to do. This has created a very interesting dilemma, finding an organisation that provides this service, covers my geographical area and is willing to come out for 2 calls per week of half an hour duration is like searching for gold at the end of a rainbow. I have never had this experience in any other walk of life. I cannot imagine walking in to a shop and trying to spend money, only to be turned away. It does seem financially sensible and it certainly in my opinion lacks good business sense.

The best I seem to be able to do currently is sit on a waiting list and wait for new arrivals to one care agency to be trained up in about 6 weeks or so. This process has made me realise just what a precarious situation I am now in. Support available would seem to make it almost inevitable that my situation will deteriorate to a critical point, where I will need costly, intense support and possibly hospitalisation. This has got to be a false economy in every possible sense.

Adversity, Misconception and Disability Chic

A few weeks ago I ventured out to my local cinema to watch ‘The Theory of Everything’. This was the amazing film about the life of professor Stephen Hawking, the world renowned physicist and cosmologist. As well as his intellect he is perhaps, the most well known sufferer of Motor Neurone Disease. He was originally given a life expectancy of two years, however he defied the odds and has survived many decades longer than predicted, making major discoveries and contributions to the word of science and to the layman’s understanding of it.

Growing up when I did role models with disabilities were thin on the ground, the few there were only had connections to sport. I did my fair share of physical activity as a child I swam and was a keen rider having regular sessions with the Riding for the Disabled Association via my school and private lessons at home. It was only recently when researching an academic project that I discovered horse-back therapy, or hippotherapy, is a clinically recognised therapeutic intervention. The name has Greek roots, ‘hippo’ meaning ‘horse’ and ‘therapy’ meaning to ‘treat medically’. My support worker and I had thought it was a spelling error! This therapy has been shown to promote physical development, speech and confidence in individuals with disabilities.

Looking back, I don’t think I aspired to be successful on horseback in any kind of conventional, competitive sense. For for me it was an odd kind of escapism, these activities assumed an almost hedonistic quality. The hours swimming and riding were like a window on another life. I loved that I didn’t look “disabled” when I did them. Just as today I sometimes lie on my bed in an outfit to get an idea of what I would look like standing up and enjoy the appearance of my washboard stomach, only to have it disappear (somewhat depressingly) when I sit up again.

I saw wheelchair sports as negative. I had been raised to believe the wheelchair had too many connotations of ‘laziness’ and ‘giving up’, for it to become part of a leisure activity or a positive tool to allow me to achieve. Society has certainly come a long way in the last 20 years or so, at least I thought it had until I picked up a newspaper and read the story of 12 year old Joe France who was denied entry to the Hawking film because it wasn’t being shown on any of the screens he could access. Ironically, this incident coincided with Disabled Access Day.

It saddens me greatly that situations like this are still impacting on the lives of individuals, a generation after legal measures aimed to make such experiences a thing of the past. This is also following a period in which Motor Neurone Disease has seen a massive increase in public awareness as a result of the ice bucket challenge. For the uninitiated this was a charitable craze that went positively viral, it involved individuals pouring buckets of ice water over themselves with the aim of raising money for Motor Neurone Disease. Participating individuals filmed this activity posting their endeavours on social networking sites such as Facebook and YouTube.

An article in ‘Society Now’ describes the craze as narcissism dressed up as altruism, and questions the motives of those taking part and the effect of these crazes on societal giving. They point out that when one cause is in vogue others lose out by default, not just in the financial sense but in the social sense as some causes cannot hope to capture the public’s imagination. Dyslexia is one, as is the needs of adults with Cerebral Palsy; we are not cuddly, sweet or life-limited. We struggle on with all the appeal of an elderly dog in a shelter waiting and hoping for someone to notice we are there.

For me the solution is to adopt the US attitude towards disability, to celebrate it and support the individual more. We are not all in the position of Stephen Hawking with supportive parents, wife and close friends; neither do we all have his intellect. Most of us are average people whose ambition is to go through life with a family, work and leisure activities. For this to be achieved the basics need to be in place…. accessible public transport, flexible working hours and a flexible benefits system that does not penalise for trying to gain paid work. Here’s to progress.

The Rules of this Sociologist’s Method

Last month saw the start of a new school year. All over the country there were transitions occurring, there were children commencing their primary school education, some were moving from primary to secondary school and others from school to college or university.

The last two decades have seen the increasing commodification of the education system. Newspaper articles are now full of comments about parental choice, school league tables and problems related to catchment areas. There have even been stories in the media about parents moving and converting to a particular religion, in order to obtain a place for their children in the school of their choice.

This was a far cry from my family’s experience with me. A few years ago I had an attack of curiosity about my early life, my diagnosis and how it had shaped the person I had become; I ordered a copy of my medical notes from birth to 5 years of age, I have to say that it made very interesting reading. I opened up the folder and discovered what read like an episode of Casualty, and yes, they really do write things like, ‘Crash called.’ I was quite surprised to discover that I had had an entire day with no breathing problems at all and that the crashes only started on my second day of life.

I was resuscitated a scary number of times, to that end I am amazed that I am only this brain damaged. Almost 2 years later I was eventually diagnosed with cerebral palsy, coming after a ridiculous battery of tests, the paediatrican insisted on ruling out other conditions, metabolic in nature. This fascinates me as Theodore Woodward, Professor at the Maryland School of Medicine in the 1940s once said , ‘If you hear hoof-beats, think horses not zebras.’ and cerebral palsy is most definitely the horse associated with premature birth and oxygen starvation.

A little over 12 months after my diagnosis my parents were told that it would be best for me to attend the local special school. There was no particular discussion about any other options and obeying medical advice meant you were perceived as a good parent wanting the best for your child. I have friends whose parents questioned advice, or who didn’t follow it and they were talked to as if they were failing in some way. It seemed aspirations had to be kept realistic. My mum once told me about a conversation she had with my then headmaster, he related a story about a pupil who had expressed a desire to become a professional footballer when he was older. The headmaster thought that to collude in such a dream was to be ultimately cruel. However, I can’t help but think that this was a very black and white view, after all there are many children who express desires to become astronauts, nurses, train drivers, etc and who never ultimately become these. These childhood dreams are a way that we explore possibilities and parts of our personalities. To rob a child of this was I think equally as cruel.

When I became an undergraduate sociologist and began learning about Emile Durkheim, I was struck by his idea of using deviance as a form of social measurement. The use of ‘deviance’ to construct ‘the good parent’ was a prominent feature when I was younger; names of parents who did not conform with medical advice would be “hinted” at in conversations between staff, both teaching and medical. The progress of us children would be compared. I for example had a heel strike, this seemed to be a comparatively rare, but desirable phenomenon, most of my fellows walked up on their toes due to tight hamstrings. I can remember my walking being described as beautiful in this regard. The heel strike was apparently an indicator of my parent’s compliance with my physiotherapy regime.

Actually, I have admiration for my toe walking contemporaries, as for the last three months of my walking life, I became one of them; stiff and sore, every step was truly agonising. A lifelong friend with CP, herself a confirmed toe- walker however, tells me that your feet get acclimatised to an extent when you have done this from a young age. Yes, there is soreness but somehow she keeps going. At the age of 15 she was offered an operation to flatten her feet and turned it down, because in her mind she wasn’t broken and did not need fixing. For me it was different, I was always in pursuit of “normal” it obsessed me in many ways and when my grip on it faltered, I confess to throwing every intervention and drug at my body to make me better, or at to least arrest my decline. This is something that I regret in many ways as I often feel like I have become so defined by what might have been, that everyone seems to have missed what was.

I think a lot about my early life and the way my parents were almost manipulated into making choices for me to retain the good opinion of medical professionals, even if this meant going against their own parental instinct. Physiotherapy was the be all and end all of my early years and mainstream education was off my agenda because of this, despite mum and dad thinking integration was a good idea.

My parents frequently say I could have been a doctor had I not had cerebral palsy. This is due to my ability to recognise certain medical conditions easily and understand the treatment and monitoring of them. My dad commented on this recently, when I was discussing some of mum’s medical tests and cancer treatment, to which I responded, ‘I think I would rather have been a journalist than a doctor, and I am only good at medicine because I have been around it so much.’ Sometimes it is like being in the shadow of a ghost or an older sibling; it can feel like you are spending your entire life trying to emulate or outrun them and put your own mark on the world. One of the big problems I have found is the scarcity of people like me. Growing up I had few role models and nobody I could particularly relate to, the only successful disabled people I remember from my childhood were paralympians, whilst I was a keen rider and swimmer and competed in both arenas I never saw myself as sporty, nor did I want to be like them.

In my last term at school, a physiotherapist asked me what I planned to do when I left school. I responded, “I think I’ll be a writer Miss”. She must have been very sceptical. It is the one dream I clung to through everything. Today I am a writer, journalist and sociologist although, not the foreign correspondent, flying off to troubled regions that I might have been. I have to think that on reflection I am, as the late Christopher Reeve said, still me!

My Official Birthday

The big day has arrived. I am now 36. Sarah, a lifelong friend of mine (we were on the neonatal intensive care unit together when we were born) is some 10 days older than I am. It is our tradition to go out for a meal on the middle weekend between our two birthdays. It was at this celebration that Sarah decided to remind me that as of today I (we) are officially closer to 40 than to 30.

The momentous day was marked by a new acquisition, my birthday present this year from my parents was a MacBook Pro. I had been lusting after one of these for over 12 months, being a fan of the iPad – in my opinion the most ultimately disabled friendly device you will ever find – I was keen to make the switch. However, there always seemed to be something that got in the way of my making the purchase. Anything with a Mac label, seems to cost about three times as much as a Windows or android operated machine, so it was a massive outlay and one that I never could quite seem to justify. Then the inevitable happened, Nuance, the computer company that makes the voice recognition software that I use to write, updated their software.

I always follow assisted technology developments via YouTube. I was impressed with the new developments in the software however, I noticed that the latest edition of Dragon NaturallySpeaking required at the very least windows 7.1. My home PC ran on the positively Jurassic Windows 7 and so I discovered that if I wanted to try the new Dragon software then I would have to update my PC, this was a scary prospect as I had been witness to several Windows 8 stress moments. Many people I know just can’t get the hang of the new Windows operating system. On occasion my dad will fill in for my support worker; we open up the document on his computer, a procedure that is usually followed by a five-minute rant about the fact that the machine wants his fingerprint and randomly seems to place downloaded files where you least expect them on the hard drive.

I have never really been a fan of Windows 7 myself either. The main Windows operating brilliance came when they developed the XP operating system. Had I known that the Windows 7 operating system was so different to XP I would have made the switch to Mac at that point. In the week I have been using Mac I have not once had an error message, or crash. Thus far I have found that even the voice recognition software I have had such a rocky relationship with, works better on a Mac which is interesting given that the same company produces the software for both systems. The Mac is just sleek all round – Steve Jobs I salute your immortal soul!

It’s been a week of changes all round in my household my mum is currently ill in hospital and my dad has stepped into the breach. This has been an interesting and steep learning curve on both sides of our relationship. I live alone and have done so for over 15 years. This situation occurred almost by accident. My dad’s job was going to be moving location from the Midlands to North Wales, and I somewhat petulantly refused point-blank to live anywhere that I couldn’t spell. I proved moderately successful at the independent living scenario first in sheltered accommodation, that was specifically designed for individuals with special needs and latterly in an adapted bungalow, which I inherited (without the adaptations) from my grandmother almost 7 years ago. Throughout this time my main support and assistance has been provided by mum – who has hovered in the background providing physical support with tasks like laundry, cleaning, transport and more recently even supplementary medical support when my feet disintegrated slightly and required regular medical treatment and dressings. It is fair to say that she did a fantastic job! The dressing she applied thereafter more durable than those put on by the professionals.

It has been interesting and eventful to watch my dad take on his new role as provider of care and support. I had never really thought about it before but disability and its management seems inevitably to fall to mothers, and mine is particularly good at the mundane organisational requirements that are needed to live successfully with a long-term disability. This week my disabled parking permit (known in the United Kingdom as the Blue Badge) is up for renewal. The process is simple enough, you go online, fill in a form, then take proof of entitlement, a photograph and £10 in cash to your local council parking services department.

The week before my appointment, I looked out my birth certificate and the preregistration form I had already completed. All that I now needed was proof of my entitlement, birth certificates and photographs, on Sunday night I looked out the additional necessary documents and put them on the kitchen table. I had my birth certificate, and for some reason assumed that my dad had got the letters proving my entitlement to the mobility component of the disability living allowance. At my house, I asked dad if he had the letters I needed to renew my application, he responded in the affirmative. So, you can imagine my surprise when we arrived at the local council offices to discover that my entitlement letters had been left in the house. We had to retrace our steps and plan the journey for the second time. All was well in the end, but the procedure did lack my mum’s finesse!

A Dark, Divided Century

A few weeks ago I went to a local history event to mark the centenary of the outbreak of the First World War. The idea of the event was to commemorate and explore the different aspects or the conflict and look at how it has shaped the society we live in today.

There were living displays, men and women in period dress demonstrating everything from joining up for the Kings Shilling, to examples of battle kit that was issued. I have to say I was more than a little shocked at how meagre the kit was, it seemed to consist of little more than a scratchy woollen uniform, ration tin, shoe cleaning kit, a gun and a tin hat. It was both scary and poignant to think of thousands of young men, some little more than children, despatched to a hostile frontline.

Soldier's kit

The railway station where I live has remained remarkably unchanged over the last century, in fact when I am waiting on one of the three platforms to go off on my travels it has many times made the past seem somehow closer when I am on the platform. If you removed the electric digital announcement screens, it would be like going back in time. The ghostly figures boarding trains in their thousands become tangible beings; the ones who boarded a train compelled by social expectation to be men and fight never to come back. The entrance to Platform One now has a war memorial in remembrance of those who worked on the railway and were lost in the conflict.

The Great War, as it came to be known, saw change and development on several levels, social, technological and medical developments reshaped our society. The years leading up to war had seen growing support of the women’s suffrage movement that campaigned to give women the vote and afford them the same rights and opportunities that were available to men. However, war saw the suspension of political protest and direct action. Women took on a new place in society, they worked in jobs that were previously considered to be the preserve of men, they stepped into the breach taking on dangerous jobs working in munitions, nursing and driving ambulances on the frontline, proving equal in worth and ability to men. For women, war became a means to demonstrate the need for equality and recognition, one of the few positives, yet unintended consequences of war.

The event I visited had several stalls each chronicling the different aspects of life in war time. It was at one of these that I came across a period actor talking about developments in medicine that were a consequence of war. He talked about Walter Yeo, a sailor who sustained massive facial injuries in the Battle of Jutland. Yeo underwent pioneering treatment under the care of the groundbreaking surgeon, Sir Harold Gillies, who developed skin grafting as a way of treating individuals with serious skin wounds or burns. Walter’s face was painstakingly rebuilt over many years. Whilst Yeo was still described as having a severe disfigurement, he had significant function returned to him.

Walter Yeo (courtesy of Wiki)

Professor Roger Cooter wrote about the impact of war on medical advancements. He discussed how the First World War created an opportunity for medical development due to there being a substantial number of combatants presenting with very similar injuries.

There were 2 million disabled veterans who returned home at the end of World War One, who suffered a variety of injuries resulting in long-term disability, both physical and mental. This war made disability more visible and a pressing social issue. It resulted in the opening of the original poppy factory in Richmond in 1922 closely followed by Lady Haig’s poppy factory in Edinburgh in 1926. The idea behind both sites was to employ men who had suffered life-changing injuries in the conflict to provide them with a livelihood. This was the first time in history that society began to accept disability as part of social life and its responsibility. Disability through wounds became seen as almost an honourable state with the Silver War Badge being issued to soldiers who had been discharged due to their injuries for their service.

I am grateful for these individuals who, unwittingly, blazed a trail for me. They helped to create a world which was of a mind to accept me with all of my physical limitations. They fertilised the idea of an inclusive society.

I will remember them.

A painting I did to commemorate the centenary of WW1
A painting I did to commemorate the centenary of WW1

 

The 2nd of my Remembrance paintings
The 2nd of my Remembrance paintings

Disability, Fashion and Moving in High Society

The first magazine feature I ever wrote was about disability in the world of fashion, this was a few years before BBC Three’s Britain’s Missing Top Model in which 8 young women with a range of physical disabilities competed to win a fashion shoot in Marie Claire. I had never seen bodies that resembled my own in the world of high fashion, so it became a groundbreaking moment for me.

Previously, the disabled body was confined to the pages of disability equipment or specialised clothing brochures. I was a star of one such photo-shoot for a range of special needs tracksuits, all zips and elastic, functional yes, but certainly not catwalk worthy. I did however, borrow the zip concept recently.

Skinny jeans have become a bit of a nemesis for me. I have tried to acquire the art of wearing this figure flattering item only to be defeated by my lack of body flexibility. Now skinny jeans seem to be remaining a high street staple so I wanted to find a way to make the look work for me. I took my 3 pairs to a local alterations shop, explained my problem and asked if the jeans could be fitted with a zip from the ankle to the knee to enable them to be taken on and off more easily. I was thrilled with the result, a perfect blend of function and style. The alterations cost more than the jeans themselves, but it was definitely worth it.

Adapted skinny jeans

Having a physical disability can all too often mean that style and fashion are denied us, or come at a heavy price. Earlier this year I developed ulcerated feet and I was told in no uncertain terms that my stylish ankle boots had to go and be replaced with orthopaedic soft fabric sandals. I was somewhat put out as I thought my suede/ leather flat ankle boots were sensible enough. From the look the podiatrist gave them you would be forgiven for thinking I had rolled into her office resplendent in six inch wedge platform sling backs. It’s funny but shoes were always one thing that really made me feel different, the thing that no matter what I did, marked me out as disabled. I would be wearing a nice dress and the look would be ruined by my specialist orthopaedic boots, clunky monstrosities in a very limited colour range of black, blue, brown and the much coveted red.

In my life normal shoes were a rare event, reserved for special occasions. I think I remember every pair of normal shoes I ever had and the event that each pair related to. For the wedding of a lifelong friend of my Dad I wore a green and while frilly dress and little black patent shoes. I was bridesmaid at a cousin’s wedding and I had a pair of white canvas pump type shoes to wear under my dress, then on family holidays to the USA and Denmark I had training shoes. I can remember saying once that the underside of my feet hurt after walking in my normal footwear for a while. My parents were puzzled and tried to determine the cause of my discomfort, after some detective work they discovered that it was the terrain itself. The soles on orthopaedic boots are thicker than average and I had never become accustomed to feeling the ground under my feet.

The ability to wear normal shoes was just about the one positive I found in losing my mobility. I no longer had to pay mind to the support my ankles and feet needed. I also didn’t have to worry anymore about how durable the sole was because yay, I wasn’t going to be wearing them out by dragging my feet. However, my joy was comparatively short-lived, I quickly discovered that feet that have been fixed in position by an orthopaedic surgeon do not necessarily comply with or like being introduced to heels. The one time I found a pair my feet could be cajoled into I snapped the heel off the left one when my leg went into spasm and the boot heel was behind the footrest. This resulted in several Star Wars related jokes about feeling the force. To add insult to injury my feet became chronically swollen due to my reduced mobility, so much so that I had to start wearing men’s shoes which are correspondingly wider. I saw the NHS shoe fitter and the made to measure results made my childhood shoes look positively hip. Even my Mum christened the boots the ‘Passion Killers’, which coming from her was a damming indeed.

My friend Lorraine, keen to help solve my footwear issues, told me that Evans one of the leading UK, plus size, high street shops, had EEE fitting boots available. It was a lovely experience to put on a pair of shoes that were meant for a woman. It opened up new possibilities in clothing; I could now wear dresses and I felt attractive. I was determined to hang on to my new acquisitions, I had over 12 months of fierce arguments with my podiatrist before ulceration forced me to give in. I agreed to give the Pullman sandals a go. I have to say I was pleasantly surprised, while definitely not Manolo Blahnik, they were not an assault on my femininity.

The Pullman Sandal

Last Christmas my aunty’s present to me was afternoon tea at the Ritz, we arranged to go along recently and I had a lovely day out with her. The Pullman sandals were donned along with my semi-designer dress. I have to say that I certainly did not feel out of place, clunky or unattractive, in fact I am beginning to think I was a posh Victorian and have inhabited high society in a former life. The Ritz had ramps for my wheelchair, the best dairy-free cakes I have ever tasted in my life along with an extensive range of teas, always a winner with me.

Aunty Sue and me at The Ritz

Rising to the Challenge

I am flying solo this week. Louise my assistant, who provides my academic support, is as I write Stateside and hopefully having a good and well deserved holiday in the sun.

It has been an interesting week all round in terms of my support needs as my parents, the usual provider of my daily support, have been on a trip to Italy. My Auntie Sue and my mum’s friend Maureen stepped in to fill the gap. With all of the absences, I decided to take the opportunity and set myself a little challenge; this blog post is brought to you via voice recognition technology which is something I have dipped in and out of over the years, with varying levels of success. I put on the headset, stare at the screen and many times my head goes blank. I think this has more than a little to do with my school experiences, allowing me to dictate work was considered somehow as giving in and allowing me to be lazy. For my generation of people with disabilities, aids in whatever form were to be used as a matter of last resort, and something to aspire to be without.

I have found that it is a completely different experience compiling something in your head and dictating it onto the page, than it is to type manually. I always feel somehow disconnected from the process; it never seems to flow as well. I like the tactile element of crafting something and if that gets lost, I end up having to concentrate so much on the act of talking that I lose the thread of what I am trying to say.

I have casual conversations in person quite easily, but if I have to think hard, or repeat myself, my body and brain get all scrambled and a word will suddenly decide to stay in the “no mans land” that exists between my brain and my mouth. This gets very interesting when having a conversation with my Dad who has a significant level of hearing loss and misses part of what I say to him. At some points it feels like I am in the middle of a neurological war of attrition, with Dad’s responses usually along the lines of, “What, what did you say?”, “Can you repeat that?”, “Say again.”

The whole process of dictating also feels far more public. I used to have a horror of doing my university exams in this way. I remember on one occasion as always, I was separated from the other students. Myself, my support worker and the Invigilator were in a room, a grand looking affair with an oak table. As I took my place next to my support worker scribe, the Invigilator remarked that I looked pregnant with thought. What was really going through my head was, “Oh My God! He is going to hear my answer and judge its worth and mine by default.” a pressure my pen- wielding peers didn’t have, they got a pass or a fail in private.

For me, disability means that concepts like privacy, independence and personal choice are a negotiated, sometimes “grey” area. I get exited about software that promises this freedom, however nothing has been created that gives me this autonomy so far. The IPad has proven to be the biggest leap forward so far. I can access ebooks, talking books, notes and papers on something I can carry around in a small bag.

Like most writers, the things I write about come out of my own life experience, the difference is I never get to write alone in a cafe, in one of those moleskin notebooks so beloved of my writing friends. Well, I could give it a go but there is a good chance that when I came to look at it again, I wouldn’t be able to work out what I had been trying to say! Sometimes I wonder if in the future my notebooks will be unearthed by a social historian, or end up on some kind of documentary like the ones you see on BBC2 about the evolution of the written word. I never complete the process of writing alone, in fact in my case the act of writing can give me a story to tell.

A few months ago while planning an art journal page I came across the quote by the author Neil Marcus, “Disability is not a ‘brave struggle’ or ‘courage in the face of adversity’ Disability is an art. It’s an ingenious way to live.” For me, this sums up my own views of my life as a disabled person.

 

Proof that Disability Awareness is on the Rise

I never stop being surprised by the odd and often intrusive questions I am asked in relation to my disability. I can get into a taxi for example, and before I have finished fastening the seatbelt the questions begin, “What have you done to your legs then?” In response I find myself doing complex mental calculations that take into account length of the coming journey, my mood, level of patience and the need to explain a neurological diagnosis to someone who may well have never heared of the condition I have.

On a bad day, early in the morning my response would be, “It’s just something I was born with.” in the hope that I can shut the conversation down and get on with my day unencumbered. If I have time on my hands or am feeling motivated to spread the word, make a difference and in some small way put a dent in expectations that ultimately bring about social change, you will get an answer that begins, “Well it’s not so much legs as brain.” then going on to explain the risk factors of being born prematurely and the effects of multiple respiratory arrests on the infant brain.

Many people think the past 20 years has been a watershed in terms of social attitudes and this is true in many ways. However, I am still surprised how people constantly assume that you want to discuss every aspect of your life in mind numbing and yes startlingly intimate detail. On the positive side this does mean that at least people think there is a possibility of my having a significant other, and this is progress in itself.

The sociocultural distance travelled was pointed out to me a few years ago in a rather unexpected and amusing incident. There is a small corner shop on the high street, near the flats where I used to live, the sort of place you could pop to when you were running short on milk. Most of the buildings locally were erected well over a century ago and as a result they were not especially wheelchair friendly. The shop in question had three steps up to the front door which made for an interesting retail experience. When shopping here I would have to stop my chair, bang on the window, or grab a fellow shopper on their way inside to get the assistant’s attention. The shop assistant would then come to the door, I would shout up my order, they would fetch the items and bring them down to me, I would pay, they would go back in then return with my change and a receipt.

One hot Sunday in July I was sitting in my flat’s communal garden with a friend, we both wanted an ice-cream and I decided to throw caution to the wind and go and get them along with a packet of Hobnobs as my parents were visiting later in the afternoon. I set off to the local shop to get them. I got to the shop and went through the usual routine of banging on the window, the elderly male assistant stood at the top of the steps and I called up the order. All was going as usual as I sat texting friends whilst waiting for the old man’s return. He came back after a few minutes with two Magnums wrapped in newspaper to slow their melting, he placed them silently in my lap along with a packet of ……… condoms!I sat staring at them, featherlite and ribbed for her extra pleasure, then looked up at him; he stood quietly unable to meet my eyes. I handed a £10 note over, he dashed up the steps and came out in a flash with change and a receipt and I wheeled myself hurriedly away. I imagine he thought I was in for a very interesting afternoon, that didn’t involve dunking things in tea!